Carleton Class of 1987



Old News Flash!!!

(Northfield, Routers, about a year ago.  News travels slow in the MidWest.  By mule, ya know.) With a swiftness and ruthlessness heretofore unknown in this quiet little hamlet we call "Carleton", Becky "Slasher" Zrimsek and her minions have staged a bloodless coup and taken over the powerful College Alumni Affairs Office.

Even as we partied on with the geezers and whippersnappers at Reunion 2002, Ms. Z was quietly plotting the overthrow of the then-reigning Alumni Queen, Joan Higinbotham, .  It took some time for the insidious plans to come to fruition, but Ms. Z eventually succeeded in her nefarious plot and as 2004 got off to a quiet start, Ms. Z ascended to the throne of Ultimate Power.

"Oh," she was quoted as saying, "it was nothing.  A memo here, a Mickey there, and -poof!- I'm the Queen!  And it's good to be the Queen..."

Ms. Higinbotham, asleep in a gutter, could not be reached for comment.

What has this college come to when honest and diligent Alumni Queens like Ms. H can be deposed so quickly, thrown out onto the snow and ice like so much Eelpout fresh from the ice hole?  Are we to stand for this?   Are we to take this lying down?  Or are we just going to sit here?

This reporter doesn't know.  He just weeps for causes lost, and careers shattered.

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