Uncle Carl responds to classmates in quandaries
Dear Uncle Carl: I'm
really embarrassed to show my face at reunion after that graduation
party where I threw up on everybody from 4th Musser and then went mud
wrestling in the bald spot. I'm afraid people will still remember
that after 15 years and I couldn't take that.
Uncle Carl says: You forgot the part about the
mule in the Village House; that was the real kicker. Wow. I
didn't know a person could ever do that! And in front of the
entire class! But I'm sure noone will hold it against you.
After all, it was nothing compared to your antics at Spring Concert.
Dear Uncle Carl: I don't like Jemnmeline
Strahhhghtst and I'm afraid she's going to be there. I really
don't want to see her again.
Uncle Carl says: We don't like her
either. We'll make sure she's not there.
|
Dear Uncle Carl: I love Jemneline Strahhhghtst
and I'm afraid she won't be able to make it. I don't think I could
go if she won't be there.
Uncle Carl says: Sorry, she won't be able to
attend.
Dear Uncle Carl: Reunion? Ya Shore, you betcha!
Uncle Carl says: I think you must have the wrong college;
check with the one across town.
Dear Uncle Carl: I lost my job 2 years ago, had
my house and my wife reposessed last year and am now living in my
Chevette with my dog Earl (god rest his soul). I'm sorry, but I
really can't afford to go to reunion.
Uncle Carl says:
Stop your whining and your pathetic excuses. Everyone has their
problems and that's no excuse not to attend reunion. It'll be
fun! And while you're at it, consider contributing
to the reunion fund! |
Dear Uncle Carl: I've got kids; I can't go to
reunion. Are you out of your
mind?
Uncle Carl says: Yes, but that's beside the
point. There's actually a herd of things for the little tykes to
do at reunion. Check out Bring the
Kids for more information. Or leave them at home and the dog
will watch them. I'm sure everything will be fine.
Dear Uncle Carl: I'd love to come back for reunion, but
I'm a wanted man. I never passed the swimming test and snuck out with my
diploma before they realized their mistake. How can I return to Northfield
while there's still a manhunt on?
Uncle Carl Says: Heh, heh. All water under the
bridge, I'm sure. No problem. C'mon back to reunion. No
questions asked.
Oh, and bring your swim suit.
|
Dear Uncle Carl: I'm
pretty busy now, what with saving the entire population of Togo from
starvation, building commuity housing for the criminally destitute in
Lapland, running the "Feed the World a Lot" international
nonprofit agency that feeds the world a lot, and doing interviews for
the upcoming Carleton Voice issue. I don't know if I'll have the
time.
Uncle Carl says: We have
videos of you peeing on the homeless people of Dundas. We'll show
them at Reunion if you're not there to stop us.
Dear Uncle Carl: I
feel so inadequate; I haven't saved the world, or my town, or even the
plants in my house. I've never had a Voice article about me.
How can I show my face at reunion among my classmates?
Uncle Carl says: You haven't? Not even one?
Wow. Hmmm.
|
